How to Discover and Record Your Family History
Do you know where you come from? I don’t mean the neighborhood you grew up in or even where you were born. Do you know where your parents or grandparents came from? What routes did they take? What is your history?
When I became a historian, I learned pretty early on to get the answers you’re seeking in life you need to ask the right questions. I speak with my mother frequently and every time I learn something new about where I come from and the stories that have made my family what it is today. So here is a quick guide on how to get the most out of your conversations with family members so you can work on preserving their memories and stories.
Be patient. You will not get the whole story in one sitting.
I’ve been having these conversations with my mom since I was a teenager and each time we sit down I am learning something new, discovering a new side of who my mother is and was (especially before I was born). Don’t rush, it takes time to assemble an archive.
Have a conversation, not an interrogation
Depending on your family’s past, some difficult topics or subjects may come up. Remind the person you are speaking to that you are here to listen and understand, not judge or interrogate. We all have things we did differently in the past– have compassion!
Bring something to record your thoughts and the conversation
I usually open the notes app on my phone if it’s an impromptu conversation. If it is a planned conversation, I ask for permission to record audio for my note-taking purposes. There are times when my phone becomes a distraction, so I turn it off. For this reason, I always have a physical notebook and pen.
Know the person’s conversation style
My mother can speak unprompted for a very long time. The answer to one question could take 10-15 minutes. However, there are other people I’ve interviewed who need more questions to get the conversation going and the memories flowing. It’s important to understand what the person needs.
Type of Questions to Ask
Anchor Questions
Focus on one specific period or theme in your person’s life. This is what I like to call an “anchor.” For example, how would you describe your high school experience? or how has your understanding of motherhood changed from when you first had us and now?
Then you can start to build questions around the anchor you choose.
Some follow-up questions about high school:
What is your fondest memory from high school?
What kind of outfit did you wear to school?
What was the most popular thing to wear in terms of shoes back then?
Some follow-up questions on motherhood:
How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant?
Growing up did you always want to have kids or did your desire for kids fluctuate throughout your life?
What’s the earliest memory you have of your mother? What was she doing or saying?
Contextual Questions
Now that you have established your topic, be sure to ask contextual questions like:
Do you remember that person’s name?
What year did that happen?
Do you remember that friend’s last name?
How often did you go to that place, etc?
Ask for objects
My mother has kept so many old photographs, mementos, and objects from over the years. This past week she showed me some of the coins she had in her pocket when she came to the United States. These objects carry memories and have a life of their own. Take photos of them if you can!
Conclusion
My favorite part about being a historian is not just jumping from archive to archive, but creating one of my own as I look into my past. I hope this guide encourages you to speak to loved ones and build your own archives.
